so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
