I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
