didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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