Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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