I think i peed on brittanys purse
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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