after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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