Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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