You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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