I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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