I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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