I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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