i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
