Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
