There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
