My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
