It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
