Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
