so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
