Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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