My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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