I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
