Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
