the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
