When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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