Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
