I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
