Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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