I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
