Christians are straight up FREAKS
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
