why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize
