Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
