It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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