Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
