Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
