you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
