he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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