my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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