no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
