I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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