The maid of honor just puked.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
