Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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