What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
