i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
