I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
