my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
