Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Four minutes until I can fart!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
