New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
