And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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