Jerry, you need to find god
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
