She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize