I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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