i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
two words...techno handjob
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
