My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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