WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
