im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
