I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
