how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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