He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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