peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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