how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
