I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
