Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
