I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
