If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
