My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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