Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
