i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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