highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm really busy with my period
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